Roller coaster

I’ve more than made up for my earlier days of abstinence in the last three days. When our financer fell through, (something that we really should have seen coming) I kind of fell into a mild depression for a few days. My solution? Drink, smoke and other forms of escapism.

I’m kind of back on top. Not completely, but kind off. I hope that by using the same trick I’ve used a lot lately – namely to pretend to be happy in order to provoke feelings of happiness – will push me back up the rest of the way. I will need it, because these next two weeks will be just as hard of a slog as the last three were.

I’m very much looking forward to going to Goa. I’ve seen Bangalore now and though it’s a nice city, I’m ready to continue my travels. That, I think, will be my motivating force for the next few weeks. The end of the tunnel is in sight and I can even see the beach out there.

That will be my motivating force, but my focus better be on getting this short done. We’ve put way too much work into it to watch it fall apart now. That would be an eternal regret along the lines of ‘if only’ and ‘I wish’. It’s not often you get a chance to do something like this. I was almost going to write ‘something you’ve always wanted to do’ but I don’t know if that’s true. Have I always wanted to make films? In a way, yes that’s true. I’ve always been fascinated by films, but I had never really considered directing them. For my first venture out I was actually expecting to be somewhere in the background giving advice, but not making any decisions.

I was always a poor decision maker. I don’t know what has made me so much better at making up my mind. I guess in part it was the realisation that to make a decision and later on realise it was wrong is often a better thing than to not have made a decision at all. People don’t like people that don’t make decision. People want to be around decisive people, often simply because they like to be dragged along in the wake of those decision makers.

Anyway, off topic waffling. Later today we’ve got another meeting with another potential financer. Hopefully this will be the one that works out (rather than the twenty odd that haven’t, to date). If it’s not this one, then let it be the next one, or the one after that. We only need one (or two, if they want to divide the burden between them). It doesn’t matter how many ‘nos’ we get, as long as we get a ‘yes’ (and somewhere soon).

That’s an important point to remember in exercises like this. You only need to find one; one actor, one financer, one DOP, one lighting expert, one set designer one director and one producer. Everything else, though nice, is ultimately just luxury. We can make this work on the bare bones.

It’s all a matter of just getting that skeleton in place.

Abstinence

I’ve been so bloody busy that I haven’t even found time to drink! Now that isn’t something that happens a lot in my world. Since the start of this week (if it starts on Sunday, which it seems to do on many calendars) I’ve only have something to drink on one night and in that case it was only three small beers. The other two nights were alcohol free and what’s even more interesting, I didn’t even realise that until I was lying in bed last night.

So what have I been doing? Well, it looks like we found an actor. Now we just have to convince him that he’s found the right project for himself and that without us paying him a cent (a tough challenge, indeed). What’s more, we’ve been running around trying to find a financer and we might have found one, the only problem is that the guy has, so far, been very unreliable.

Kudos to him, though, as it will be coming out of his own pocket. It isn’t a great deal of money, but he’s still bound to feel the sting. What’s more, he’s also trying to get us in touch with one of the biggest (if not the biggest) photographers in Bangalore, to see if he’ll fund the rest of the project and possibly help us out with some technical advice.

The thing is, this photographer has a major problem with the top model coordinator of the town. The two can apparently not stand each other. The first thing the photographer did was ask ‘is XXXXX involved?’ when the answer was ‘no’, he apparently relaxed a great deal.

The only problem is that, even though this coordinator is not involved, I have worked with him some. That might already be too much for this photographer. Yes, we’ve just run into our first political roadblock. I just hope that it turns out to only be a small detour, rather than a dead end.

This short is taking up almost all of our time (that would be my time and that of the producer) with each evening having us running around, meeting people and setting up more meetings with yet more people. It’s been so busy that we’ve barely had time to go to go clubbing or pubbing. For that matter, we haven’t been able to attend many of the art functions that people keep inviting us for, either; and even when we do go, we go purely to find contacts to make our film a reality.

It’s exhausting. Fortunately, if everything goes well it will only be for two more weeks. What’s more, the number of people that we’ve managed to meet as a result of this will make any future work we try to do in this town a great deal easier. At least now we know who’s dependable and who’s just a waste if time.

Believe me, there are a lot of people in this town who are a waste of time. They promise the moon and then don’t even bother to try and deliver. Still, their loss, because it looks more than a little bit likely that either of us (again, me and the producer) are going to try and launch another project here; this time one with real cash involved. These people’s dismal performance on this project will certainly influence the likelihood of us using them in the next one.

But then, many people here don’t think that way. They think ‘short term gain, long term loss.’ They’ve got a lot to learn, but then so do we.

Cameras, lights, no action

We’re having serious trouble finding an actor who can actually understand the character. I think the problem is largely one of culture. The character that we’ve created is philosophical, intellectual and fascinated by subjectivity and the human brain. Over here most people aren’t dealing with those kinds of issues, however. They are far more fascinated with the economy, politics, technology and the internet. I wouldn’t quite call the people around us a different breed of people, but they certainly work in a different way.

For example, the first passage in the audition text (shown below) is often not even understood. It is a thank you speech, but many people just think of it as a remembrance or idle chatter; in the second speech the people don’t understand the metaphysical nature of the main character’s defiance; while the actors frequently miss that the third speech is actually an attempt by the main character to trap and hurt the warden.

We had one guy who was intelligent (western?) enough to grasp exactly what each of the spiels meant, but then he had the problem that though he understood it only after a huge amount of input from us could he actually properly emote it. He got it in the end, but for just the three speeches we’ve got above we needed two hours. That would mean that for the whole piece we’d need days and days. We’ve got the time, but does he? After all, we’re probably not going to pay him.

And he is, till now, our best candidate.

So now we’re considering if maybe I should just do it. That will make life a great deal more difficult for me. I’d then be the writer, the director and the actor. The writing hat is, of course, already largely done; but I wonder if I can assess what I’ve done and what we’ve captured on the camera objectively (in other words, if I can actually direct my own acting). Still, we need to consider it because the clock is ticking and we’ve only got so much time left before we hit our deadline.

On a more positive note, we might have at least found a chunk of our financing. That will certainly help to make things a great deal easier. Once we’ve got at least part of the money in place, we’ll be able to focus largely on the creative side. We’re meeting this guy tonight, let’s hope for the best.

Condemned Audition Text

The main character is in solitary confinement waiting to die. The only person he can talk to is the warden, who never talks back. These are some of his thoughts as he spends his last days on earth:

The main character has just admitted to being lonely and been given chocolate by the warden. The next time he speaks to the warden he says the following:

Prisoner: “You know, the second best time I ever had chocolate was in Belgium. It was truly exquisite chocolate bought in a little café actually attached to the chocolate factory. We sat out front and drank chocolate milk with chocolate truffles. It was an exquisite moment. That was the second best time.”

**********

The main character is being punished for doing something wrong. He says the following:

Prisoner: “You want me to feel sorry, you want me to feel guilty; but the system has already taken that away from me. By condemning me to death you no longer leave any need for me to feel bad about what I’ve done. We feel guilty because ultimately we want to be redeemed, but there is no redemption for me. For my crimes I will either face oblivion or hell fire. Your actions will make me feel cold, hungry, angry, vengeful, irritated and more, but they will never awaken my guilt!”

**********

The main character is sitting with his back towards the door. On the wall he can see a part of the shadow of the warden. He says:

Prisoner: “I never realised this, but I can actually see a part of you. Like in Plato’s cave, your shadow has become my reality. You know, scientists – thousands of years after Plato’s death – have come to realise that we’re really in a sensory cave. There is so much more out there to ‘see’; in radio, gamma, ultraviolet, sonar, infrared.”

“And then there is memory. Every time we remember, we alter the memory; filling in with our imagination what we can’t recall, yet never realising our own self-deception. We’re walking through life blinkered and short sighted; believing that what we see is what we get.”

“We mistake the map for the territory and murder each other over semantics.”

“You might be depriving me of sensory stimuli, but I am convinced I now see more than you ever will. You deprive me of my senses, but it is you who’s blind!”

**********

Please show, in seated position (no movement) complete psychological surrender. Show a man who no longer cares about whether he lives or dies, whether he’s dirty or clean, or whether it is night or day. He is in many ways catatonic.

Underestimated

It’s very interesting living my life right now. You see, everybody thinks I’m younger than I am and everybody assumes I’m stupider than I am (they assume that it’s all on the outside and nothing on the inside). When I go to meetings with the producer, for example, they always assume that she’s the one calling the shot. She does, after all, look more experienced and more mature. It’s fun to watch their body language. Initially they focus almost all their attention on her and near-ignore me.

That changes quickly when I take charge. They suddenly are forced to re-evaluate their earlier opinion of me and by that time I’ve got them wrong footed. That, I might add, is a great deal of fun (and a huge advantage when I’m trying to push through my opinion).

An examples: Last night we walked into this producer’s home. I think he was trying to get my producer into bed and was just using the film as a pretext to get her to his home, so he probably wasn’t too happy when I showed up. His tone and body language were arrogant and he gave me the worst chair of the three chairs that were available. I’m sure he thought it was a very subtle power play, but it was far from subtle enough. He was sitting back, like a king on a throne and pretty much focused all his attention on the producer.

Then we both started talking. We weren’t there to sleep with him (either of us) and we were there for business. He realised this pretty quickly and also realised that we were the real deal. We weren’t a couple of students play at making a short, we were serious and we knew what we were talking about. His body language changed completely and suddenly he went from somebody that was acting like he had to be impressed to somebody that was actually trying to impress us. The audition text I’ve worked up helped (so far most people have been very impressed. I’ll put it up in a while.)

Another example: I was outside the production house, waiting for the people to show up (yes, we have a production house). This guy that I’d spoken to on the phone walked out of the lift. He looked at me and I could just see the thoughts crossing his face. ‘Is this the guy? No, he can’t be, he’s too young, he wouldn’t write something like that!’ (most people here think I’m around 23). Then he walked on. When he found the front door locked he turned around and I asked him if he was the guy I was waiting for.

He hid his shock well, but he could have hid it better. I guess he wasn’t expecting to be working under a guy in his twenties, seeing as he’s a big bad CEO. Still, it didn’t take long to impress upon him that I was fully up to the task of managing my role in the project. We got along great.

It’s no problem being underestimated (well, largely no problem) just as long as afterwards you can make sure that people realise that they have the wrong idea of you. That can be hard work sometimes, but ultimately I’m sure that the pros outweigh the cons.

Opposite Expectations

Last night it was once again time for an odd experience (will my life ever be normal again?). Monday nights are Taika nights, as this is about the only time in Bangalore that there is a club where the electronica is not commercial. So, though I’m not down there too often anymore (only about twice a week, yes that’s still often by most people’s judgment, but then you’ve probably already noticed that I judge things very differently.)

Anyways, while I was there I was introduced to a girl (I think it was about the fifth time, but never mind) and she suddenly started demonstrating a real interest in me. We danced for a while, then I buggered off for a while, had a good think and said to myself ‘why not?’ after all, she was cute enough and I’ve been celibate long enough (Yes, that is the correct tense use, read on, read on!).

We sat at my place and drank vodka (not too much, as I’d smashed the fuller bottle within ten seconds of entering my place) and started doing all those things that people normally do in those situations, I pray I don’t need to elaborate.

Things were moving along nicely, but when things were finally getting interesting she suddenly began to back off. Now I can’t do games. This entire push-pull bullshit (excuse my French) really gets on my nerves, so I slowed it down as well. We ended up a talkin’ and she told me that she was going to go away for a week back home (she’s middle-eastern) and when she came back, she’d like me to move in with her.

I think it was the alcohol that dulled my senses, for the shock didn’t quite register for a while. I said ‘huh?’ as that sound seemed to both express my dumbfoundedness as well as my confusion and she repeated herself. When she came back, she wanted me to live with her.

I was thinking ‘one night stand’ (quite a reasonable thought, I thought) and she was already planning our future together. She wanted to get to know everything about me, while all I wanted to know was what sound she would make as she orgasmed. She wanted me to open up my heart, I just wanted her to bloody well get a move on and open up her legs.

I think you get the picture.

I think we both didn’t quite get what we wanted out of the encounter, though it was nice cuddling with a woman again. I do have to say, though I’m still perfectly happy being single, a little more sex wouldn’t hurt. Though, according to my friends this is more my inaction than the ‘other’ side’s non-interest.

Busy in Bangalore

This weekend has been far too busy. The reason? The short film, as a matter of fact. Things are really moving along now (mainly because we just don’t have enough time for things not to move). Yesterday, for example, we went to two studies, met a prop-design guy, talked about financing, talked to actors, passed out the audition script and a whole host of other things that I can’t even remember at this point. All of this on about four hours of sleep, as the night before we’d gone out till late (common sense is still not my strongest feature).

It is truly amazing how well things are moving along. The biggest problem, right now, is that we’re still short of a financer (we’d rather not pay it out of our own pocket, even though the whole project will only cost a few thousand dollars, so if you know anybody?)

It’s just great how the people of this city are all like ‘yeah, we can do that’ and then actually go and try to do it. Not everybody, mind you, but enough people that we honestly believe that we have a shot at finishing this in the time that we have left.

We now tentatively have a camera man (apparently he’s really good, though I myself haven’t looked at his showreel yet), a place to film, a prop-maker an actor that’s planning to come down from Bombay (though we’re still looking at others, in case this one doesn’t work out), cameras, lights and a great deal of action.

It’s been a really good experience and what ever happens, I will take a great deal of knowledge and wisdom away with me from this one. I say what ever happens, but that’s not really an acceptable option. This project has to work and we have to film it; otherwise we disappoint a huge number of people and, what’s more, lose all the credibility that we’ve amassed over the last ten days. Some people would see that as a weight on their shoulders, I see that as a fire under my ass.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I love being busy with something I enjoy. It just gets all of those creative juices flowing, it sharpens the mind and it releases huge amounts of endorphins into the blood stream (at least in my case) I am, once again, really happy with my life. Coming to India was a very good decision on my part. I might be spending more money than I’m making, but that is secondary. Money is not as important as people make it out to be. It’s just an easy way to measure success and therefore gets too much attention. There are more currencies than money and I’m learning all about those other currencies every day.

Closing Doors

I’ve decided that I’ll probably bugger off from Bangalore at the end of the year. Where will I go? Goa of course! It would be a crime if I missed Goa for new years while I was actually in the country and many people have already told me this.

So I was thinking about three weeks in Goa, basking in the afterglow of a job well done in terms of the movie, and then on to the next place. Where will I go? That’s a little harder. I was thinking about going to Dubai, but that stuff has to be confirmed.

The annoying thing is, though, that I actually have to make a decision about where to go. You see, I got an un-extendable visa extended for three months, but they want to know when I’m leaving and from where to where I’m going to fly.

Bugger.

As you might have noticed I’m not especially good at planning. I like to flow with the go and just see what happens. I feel that when I have to make choice like this I’m closing at least a dozen doors.

Still, I’d like to see Dubai, so that’s probably the best choice to make. I really can’t see what will happen after that. Maybe I’ll go somewhere else, maybe back to India and maybe off to Europe to prepare or university. Truth be told, unless my options run out out here that last option seems the least appealing. I’d at least like to wait till the summer has stared before I hit Europe again (I hate the cold).

Plus when I hit Europe I’ll be poor again (at least in relation to everybody else). I like being well off (or pretending to be, even as my funds steadily dwindle) and the idea of having to scrounge for a beer, not go out because of financial worries and doing my own laundry is truly unappealing.

Maybe I should just get rich. Concentrate a bit more on making money and a little less on learning everything else. Then I would not have to worry about things like that anymore. Maybe I should just put my head down and earn.

Or maybe I should just avoid moving back to Europe for a while longer! Yeah that sounds easier, lets do that.

Party at my place!

I was supposed to go to bed early yesterday. It was, apparently, not in the cards. I went to the club I usually go to in Bangalore, namely Taika, danced a little bit, had a few beers and generally had a good time. Then, about half way through the night (which only lasts a few hours, as I’ve told you before) one of the guys I know said ‘hey, is your place near by?’ ‘Yeah, pretty close’ I answered. ‘Cool, can we have a smoke there?’ ‘Yeah sure, why not? Can I invite my friends?’ I asked. He gave me a strange look at this point. ‘Yeah, it’s your place.’ He had a point.

The thing was, what was meant to be just a few drinks, a few people and a few joints turned into a massive festivity that had the landlord shouting at both me and my neighbour in the morning. Actually more my neighbour, as the landlord’s English isn’t that good.

I went to bed at eight. I guess you could call that early.

When you go to a good party, you have a great time, but when you throw a good party it is far more satisfying. Well, except for the cleaning up afterwards. There was about ten of us and we drank three bottles of whiskey, two bottles of vodka and smoked a huge number of cigarettes (we had to go make cigarette and booze runs throughout the night, which became more and more interesting the more and more drunk the driver became).

As you might have guessed we all got totally smashed. Two women passed out on beds (the party hasn’t started till the first person has passed out) and nobody actually left till the sun was well and truly up. That is always a good sign, I believe. When nobody leaves the atmosphere must be good. I have to go by thinks like that, because my memories are far too tainted by my intoxication to be much of a guide.

I love impromptu parties. The great thing about them is that there is no anticipation. Nobody expects anything and therefore they just go with the flow. Planned parties are almost always disappointing, but there is no time with impromptu parties to have any emotional build up.

Two parties till the wee hours in three days. Not bad in a town where it’s officially all supposed to end by 11:30.

I’m feeling a lot better, thank you

Saturday we went out and had a blast (Even though the actual locations hadn’t changed a great deal) and I ended up meeting a whole bunch of new people. New people equals new ideas and new interactions, so that brought me back on top pretty quickly. What is more, on Sunday we started meeting people to fill all the roles associated with the short movie (we’ve got a producer and a director, we might have a lighting person and we thought we had an actor but that didn’t go anywhere). That was a great deal of fun. This short film is obviously turning into another good excuse to meet yet more people.

This week I’ve got to try and do some serious work (enough piss farting around), but that’s good as work makes me happy. Well, work I enjoy anyway.

The thing about modelling is that it is actually a lot more work than you would expect. The stuff that happens in front of the camera and on the catwalk is actually the easy part (and the least stressful). It’s the networking and getting people to know that you’re available (and like you enough to use you rather than somebody else) that takes most of the work. So that’s what I’ll be doing this next week, getting more people in the fashion industry to know that I’m around.

I know a lot of people everywhere else, but the fashion industry people seem to be pretty insulated. It’s all a matter of finding people that know people and then convincing them to put in a good word with the people they know. Rinse and repeat.

People say that I should feel lucky that things are going as fast as they are. Well, at least I’ve got a lot of free time! After all, this is still supposed to be a holiday, though I’m no longer exactly sure why it should be.

Goa for new years. Definitely in the cards. That should be a real blast. It seems that half of Bangalore will be there (if you hear them talk) which might not be completely a good thing, but hey I’m just dying to get back to the beach. What is a six month trip without a great deal of time spent baking on a thin little strip dividing the wet from the dry?

Oh yes, and I’ve joined face book; though most of you probably already know that. It’s interesting to see who’s out there and it’s nice to at least have an idea that you’re still in touch with people, though you’ll probably never see them again.

Yeah, things are better. If things continuously get better than eventually everything will be perfect, or at least in theory.

Drained

I finished my script last night and ended up absolutely drained as a result. Emotionally and psychologically the energy was pretty much gone. I desperately needed new stimulation, in order to start recharging my batteries, but didn’t actually have the energy to go and find it.

My friends were, unfortunately, not much help either. They all had their own problems to deal with (as well as letting themselves get infected with my mood). I would have loved it if one of them would have taken the lead and I could have just been dragged along in their slip stream, but that was not to be. So we just sat around and stared at each other.

I’ve found I’m a new experience junky. The best way to stress me out and have me slide into depression is to make sure that my environment doesn’t change. This means the places I go, the things I eat and the people I hang around with. As long as there is some new stimulus to incorporate into my life, I’m happy. When there is nothing new, however, I seem to slide into a self-absorb self analysis that is ultimately useful, but not a great deal of fun.

I’m hoping Bangalore still has some new stimuli to offer. It should, I sure, I just have to approach this city in a new way. Maybe try to avoid the coffee shops, the bars and the clubs and find something else to do.

The question is, I’m not sure what there is to do! I’d love to see some movies (movies are a great way to get dragged along in somebody else’s slip stream) but the movie theatres here only show Bollywood (not only, but the non-bollywood movies are irregular and at strange times). I’m already constantly reading and writing, so unless I change the theme of my reading (I’m might be reading too much science right now, which is certainly informative but not very escapist) that isn’t really an option.

I could leave town. Not for ever (I don’t think that’s a wise choice) but for a while. It would be great if I could find a beach somewhere to just sit on. I might be too far away from things for that (Bangalore is pretty much spot in the middle in the south), but I’ll have to check that out.

Basically I need new stimuli. Anybody got any ideas?

Scripted

Since Monday I’ve pretty much been in self enforced exile. I’ve trying to write a script, you see, for a short film. The thing is that it’s a short film, which means you need to write a short script. You’d be surprised, but writing a short story is, page for page, massively harder than writing a long story. Each sentence has to carry so much more of the meaning that you’re trying to convey.

It’s been quite a journey and I’m only half-way done. Basically, I spent 48 hours – with the occasional break – sitting in my room. Now writing a short script isn’t so much about the actual writing as the process of deciding what to write; so most of the time I was just lying there, staring up at my ceiling fan. 48 hours is a very long time to be staring up at your ceiling fan, believe me.

In a way it has actually been a good thing that I have almost nothing in my room. That way there is little that can distract me from what I’m supposed to be doing. Of course, I did find distractions in books, solitaire and wiggling my toes, but that doesn’t compare to the amount of distraction I would have been able to find elsewhere.

The thing is that I need to finish this script as soon as possible. The reason for that is that we feel we must do something before we’ve all left Bangalore and making a short movie seemed ambitious, but doable. The sooner I finish the script, the more doable the entire idea becomes.

So, in a way, whether we believe Bangalore was a success or a failure currently depends on me. No pressure, though. None at all. Of course, I could just be being arrogant again and the only person that cares could be me, but sometimes it’s fun to have delusions of grandeur.

Alright, back to work.

Social Lubricants

I had too much to drink last night. I blame it on the gin. Normally I’m a beer guy, but recently I’ve come to realise that beer and abs don’t go together. If I want one, I’ve got to let go of the other. Of course I can’t let go of the beer entirely (that would be un-Dutch), but I can try and reduce my beer intake.

I just realised that the above paragraph probably sounds incredibly vain. Oh well.

Anyways, so I drank gin soda, as that was bound to be better for my waist line (if not for my brain cells). Gin soda has no calories, very little taste and a kick that would do a mule proud. In my case it kicked me right in the head.

I had a great deal of fun, I’m sure, but the next day I didn’t remember most of it (it made me coin a new phrase: Alcohol Induced Amnesia, or AIA for short) and the memories I still had I would rather have forgotten.

For instance, I remember running around with some dude’s scarf that he had been wearing with his Indian clothes and was obviously expensive. I also remember not remembering what the man I’d taken it from looked like. Fortunately I did manage to find him in the end and return the thing, but still a strange thing to do. A woman’s scarf, yes, but a guy’s scarf? Probably not the best idea in the gay capital of India.

Then I remember that I somehow managed to get the numbers of three of the hottest girls that had walked the ramp that night (the party was because of a fashion show and all the big media people and designers were there, something that made my drunken antics all the more painful the next day). I also remember telling at least two people. The thing is, I do remember one of the people I told that to, but the other person is but a silhouette in my recollection. It might well have been a complete stranger. I really shouldn’t be boasting about which girl’s phone number I got to a complete stranger.

Then there was the designer who I asked if it was hard being straight and a designer. An interesting question I thought at the time (and still do), but slightly inappropriate when you’ve only just met a person. He didn’t seem to have been offended or taken aback, (he said all the really big designers were straight, so it should be doable) but that was just pure luck on my part.

That’s the stuff I remember. I wonder what I don’t remember. I guess all there’s left to do is wait to see if there’s a reaction and hope there won’t be. What ever happens, it might be a good idea to drink a little less.

Dealing with Down

I’ve come to realise that what people need when they are in a bad way is not intellectual arguments, but emotional support. We might think that we are logical, but in reality we are far more instinctually and emotionally driven than we realise. We post rationalise a great deal more logic into a situation than was actually there.

When people are down, they aren’t being logical. Being down is a state of mind, not an argument of the mind. The depressed just aren’t interested in logical arguments. You need to give them arguments relevant to their state of mind.

That doesn’t mean you have to be nice to them. People that are down are often not helped by you being nice to them. Often they have to be shocked out of their behaviour. Frequently, people use their downward mood swings to get attention. Many people crave sympathy and pity, often enjoying the very act of self pity in a masochistic kind of way. The thing is that any intense emotion – be it love, hate, desire or self-pity – can be addictive.

Don’t get me wrong, for many people are helped by the moral support that a good friend can offer. They will use that person to help themselves get back up again, as a sort of crutch. The problem is that sometimes they then become dependent on that crutch or come to enjoy the act of being helped so much that they can’t help but fall back down again to provoke a similar reaction.

A tactic I’ve started to use with some success recently is to not allow them fall into self pity. It is a matter of imposing your own frame on their world and not giving them the chance to let the world slide into their frame, in which case their problems again become important. By pulling these people into your own frame and showing them it is possible to live without their problems for a while you give them an alternative. Hopefully they will then pick up a new mindset and learn to let go of their problems.

Once they do this they can actually start to solve their own problems, or come to realise that they aren’t actually as big as they’ve made them out to be. Self-pity is self defeating in that it pushes those who can help you solve your problems away from you. Often many of the problems in a depressed person’s life are actually created by their depression and can’t be dealt with until the depression is first cured. They do things the wrong way around by dealing with their problems (the symptoms) and not the depression (the root cause).

Help these people let go of their depression and the rest of their lives will often get a great deal easier, with many things falling into line. The best way to make people let go is to show them an alternative setting without depression and show them how much better things are.

Everything has an Explanation

Indian men have a reputation all around the world as being pushy, aggressive and too open in their interest. Before I came to India I always used to think ‘that is the way they are’ but of course that’s not fair. Nobody just is the way they are. Everybody has an underlying reason for everything they do, be it genetic, educational or cultural. Everybody always believes they are making the best decision based on all available data. So there must be an underlying reason for this reputation (which is well deserved, I might add) and I think I’ve at least found part of the key.

This type of behaviour must have evolved as a viable strategy to the counter strategy used by their ‘opponents’ (In plain English: men must do this because it works on women). This does not mean I’m blaming the Indian women for the men’s behaviour, this is not an excuse for the men to behave the way they do, but it might be an explanation for why they do it.

Men in India are supposed to pursue and women are supposed to be pursued. You can see great examples of this all over the TV programs, the movies and the music videos. The man starts making his advances (which do involve grabbing, constantly pushing and generally doing everything that would piss a foreign woman off) and the woman acts as if she’s not only not interested, but as if she actually actively dislikes him. He continues and she softens to him. Finally she falls madly in love with him and they get married. This theme replays over and over again, in different varieties, everywhere.

Is it then surprising that many of the women, who’ve grown up on that stuff, play similar games? They give men, as the proverb goes, just enough rope to hang themselves. They display just a little bit of interest – a caught glance, a brush of the shoulder, or getting within their intimate zones – and then they back off and actively ignore the guy. If the guy doesn’t notice, they repeat, if he does and starts flirting back, then the women fall back and act haughty and un-interested; but the moment his interest starts to flag (and he’s shown enough interest in the first place) she’ll give him another little sign and so the dance continues.

In the west, as a friend pointed out, they call this ‘cock-teasing’ and it is highly frowned upon. Over here using any more straight forward tactic, however, would often appear slutty and easy.

Of course, the thing is that with the signs being so small and few in between the Indian men often interpret the wrong thing as signs (as they are socially obtuse), or they assume they can’t see the signs and go in regardless.

This causes a lot of suffering on the part of women.

It also causes a lot of suffering on my part, because I refuse to play these types of games. I know I’m supposed to follow the social rules of the country I’m in, but unfortunately in this case dignity keeps getting in the way and I keep walking away.

I’m starting to see why most of the men here are so keen on the foreign women.

Conversations

There was a cigarette, who was like her mother. “Free age one please, sir” he said. Do we have salt, he asked, we need salt. And we don’t have chilly powder! How can you disturb me while I’m shopping!

Flickering through different version of reality, the window to the other side crackling with visions. They scattered around, looking for the things they needed; but it was too late for the shops were closed. We’re mixing it all together, that’s the only way.

Don’t send me there again. One by one were going to make it. The cups clattered in the drain. No lights, no gauges, tires were skinny, the doors were broken, good luck. Nothing but perfect, but for a very high price. But I thought we wouldn’t be having any meat, right?

I believe you picked me, you’re a great guy and I’m so excited. Fuck. Can you do me a small favour please? No, no no, for real, this thing sucks. Tell me what you were thinking about today.

My passport thing, I’m feeling I don’t want to go back to Dubai. She walked past, fanning herself with her hand. You need honey. Headaches? I always take one, but I don’t know how many you need.

Michelangelo would be proud of you. We keep it in the fridge, right? I’m doing something interesting. That’s good to hear. The second question from the assistant was, ‘are you married?’

This gives power to the motor. Shall I keep these two things somewhere else? White, Yellow and Orange. They brought in a corkscrew. This would allow the window to go up and down. Lets go get a bite to eat.

And the mute button is there, apparen…