Crossroads

Not even a full week of work left. A little more than three weeks left in the country. Am I ready to go? There’s really little choice in the matter, the ticket has been bought and the plans have been made.

There’s a lot left to do. Today I went out to buy a new backpack (a small one, I’m going to continue to use the large one that I’ve had for more than fifteen years). I tried finding a bag that doesn’t shout ‘rob me, I’m rich!’ though I guess my face already does that. After all, in most developing countries just being white is the equivalent of being rich.

I also got my visa, which unfortunately ends just a few days before the new years (it’s a six month one). That’s really annoying, as I’m supposed to be spending my new years in India with some mates. One friend did have a good point though, I should see it as an opportunity, rather than as a draw back. In this way I’ll have extra motivation to visit a neighbouring country (I’m not allowed to extend my visa in India. I have to leave the country first, for some odd reason.)

What I’m worried about right now is that I won’t have enough to do while I’m there. I’m so used, now, to working ten to twelve hours a day, how am I going to cope with having so much free time? Won’t I feel like I’m wasting it? That’s a real concern for me, the idea that time is being used inefficiently.

For that reason I’ve started writing a fictional semi-autobiographic story. It will incorporate elements of me, but will not really be me. The character will be a more extreme version of myself, incorporating some elements in my character that I’d like to have and some other elements, which I would like to avoid.

The reason for that is that I want to be able to write, without always having to worry about modesty, decency and expectation. In this way I can write something and say ‘but it’s fictional! It’s not really me!’ I can steal ideas from other people, change elements in my story so that it becomes more exciting than real life, and so forth. Still, by keeping it close to my real story, it will be easy to include my own thoughts and ideas into the storyline of my tale.

Will that be enough? I’m not sure. The last time I was in Thailand I was never really bored, but at that time I didn’t feel guilty about doing nothing. Maybe I’ll adapt soon enough to a life of leisure. Maybe I’ll find ideas inspiration on the road, that more than balance out the supposed time I’m ‘wasting’. I mean, really my time teaching wasn’t the most efficient way of spending time, either. It was repetitious and largely a routine (I’m convinced routine teaches a great deal less than original and unexpected situations).

So I guess I’m really not sure what to expect. I guess the best idea is to expect nothing and prepare for everything.

Of course, that’s a lot easier said than done.