Still in Bangalore

As the title might already have given away, I’m still in Bangalore. My days have been occupied with writing, reading, drinking coffee, going out and generally spending too much money. I might have mentioned this before, but the clubs in Bangalore close early, frustratingly early. At 11:30, just when you’re really in the groove, the lights come on and the staff start to usher the people out. For me the night only really gets started around twelve, so it has been quite an adjustment.

In the beginning I thought that this would result in fantastic after parties, where all the crowd in the know go to continue revelling deep into the night. But either I’m not hanging out with the crowd in the know, or these parties don’t actually exist in Bangalore. The best I’ve been able to find is to end up sitting in an apartment that needs a new coat of paint with a group of guys who need more female friends.

The result is that I’ve been going out every day of the week, just in order to get the number of hours together that I’d normally do on one or two nights back in Singers. I wonder if the way I’m partying now is more or less expensive than the way I used to party before.

So why am I still here? I’m not exactly sure, to be honest about it. I like the people I’m hanging out with and they are probably the primary reason that I’m still hanging around. Travelling has always been about meeting new people for me. The people here are interestingly different, with a whole new set of hang ups and problems. Watching them has given me some insights into how I deal with my own problems.

One of the biggest problems I’m currently stumbling over time and again is that deep down I’m actually shy and of the opinion that I’m not that good at making contact with new people. I’ve made it my mission to stamp that trait out before I leave India. So far, however, I haven’t been doing as well as I might have liked. I constantly doubt my own ability to initiate an interesting conversation. I know intellectually that I can keep a good conversation going with most people, but unfortunately my fears and worries don’t really care a great deal for what I consciously know. Communication is in so many ways a subconscious thing.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that I am apparently unapproachable. I don’t know why that is, but ever person I end up speaking to I speak to either from my own initiative or through an introduction by somebody else I already know. I realise that this is pretty normal for most people, but everybody must occasionally get approached by a stranger interested in meeting somebody new, right? Well apparently they prefer initiating those kinds of conversations with people other than myself.

It must be something in my body language that seems to scream ‘danger, do not approach’. The problem is that I haven’t quite yet figured out what it is that I do. Do I appear too arrogant? Too cocky? Too self assured?

What ever it is (and I am determined to find out what it is) it is leading to me not being approached, while my own insecurities lead to me not approaching. Those two things together, in turn, lead to me spending a great deal of time sitting alone in all the cafes, coffee shops, bars and restaurants I frequent.

I guess it's simply another barrier that needs to be overcome. I'll keep you posted about how well I'm doing in overcoming it.