Dutch as a Second Language

You cannot imagine how frustrating it is to have to speak Dutch again. Let me try to find an apt metaphor; maybe you could describe it being a young child and suddenly hitting puberty. Your body changes and grows awkward, your voice doesn’t respond properly and you suddenly lose all that grace that you’ve gained over the last ten years. Suddenly you have no confidence, no faith and feel clumsy. That’s a pretty apt metaphor.

The problem is that people expect me to speak Dutch because I am Dutch originally (actually, I kind of expect it from myself as well, so it’s double up) it doesn’t matter that I’ve lived outside for 2/3rds of my life; I am Dutch, so I shall speak Dutch. I’m actually in a worse position than people that come here speaking no Dutch, at least they can get away for a long time with speaking English and nobody will hold it against them.

Gone is my quick wit, gone is my confidence, gone is my ability to argue anybody under the table, gone is my faultless language control. Instead I now know how people that aren’t good with words feel every day. That’s probably a good thing, now I understand how others feel when I drill them into the ground with my words and my scorn; but that doesn’t help me find a job!

Long term good, short term bad. If I can survive the short term (which might be a bit of a challenge, as my money is certainly not increasing) then ultimately I’ll gain a great deal from this. I’ve got to keep that in mind every time I bumble with the language to keep my spirit up, ‘one day soon I’ll be able to speak two languages at near perfect level. If I survive now then later I have yet another skill.’ It’s like a mantra that I repeat before I go to sleep. Some people meditate, I promise myself I can speak Dutch soon. No, not really, but it would make for a good story!