A life less ordinary

Some recent events have made me seriously question myself. A few years ago I used to have quite a few friends. People would contact us (my girlfriend and me) regularly and we would always be invited out to parties, occasions and events.

Slowly that grew less, though, with less and less people inviting us places. When I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago, the occasional message from those old friends that used to come no longer did, though according to her plenty of our old friends are still contacting her, even if not always with the best intentions.

I can’t blame them. At least they were polite enough to wait till our relationship was over, before they started pursuing her. What does hurt, however, is the feeling that maybe these people never really saw me as their friend. I can’t help but wonder if, really, they were just interested in my girlfriend and I was just the unfortunate hanger on, an obstacle that had to be out waited.

Was I just ‘the boyfriend’ and nothing more?

Until recently I used to think I had a way with people. I believed I was likeable and that people wanted to be around me. Don’t get me wrong, I have good friends, but not quite as many as I would expect if I was as good with people as I believed I was.

Here in Singapore I think I have only three good friends and maybe a handful of good acquaintances that I have regular contact with. For the rest I am an unknown and my presence would not be terribly missed.

I guess I am just not as memorable as I would like, or if I am, then I certainly didn’t use to be. Of course, ultimately the only thing for it is to accept it, or to change it. I just hope I can change it, because the thought of just being ordinary in other people’s eyes is unbearable.